Trad Wife by Saratoga Schaefer

Is it shameful to admit that I'm so curious and fascinated by trad wives? It's just a concept so foreign to me that I want to learn more about them, almost like how many people are intrigued by cults and their ideologies. I wish I could've thought up the concept for a book like Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, because there is something so thrilling and deeply unsettling about trad wives, especially in today's political climate.

Although I have yet to read Yesteryear, it's all the book industry has been talking about. And it being a thriller, it definitely falls perfectly into my tastes. However, that got me curious—is there a trad wife horror book? It's definitely a horrifying thought to be slaving away every morning in my rustic, stark white kitchen, feeding my sourdough starter and making organic Cheez-Its from scratch for my gaggle of three kids under three while my husband golfs with his friends on the weekends, all while making sure the world knows, via Instagram and TikTok of course, that I live an aesthetically unattainable lifestyle that they should envy, that they should want for themselves. 

I will say that the trad wife of it all scratched my itch and exposed it, in my opinion, for what it really is: my personal performative, butter-churning, bread-making hell.

Trad Wife is basically a commentary on this lifestyle, but with a twist. Camille and Graham, a newlywed couple, move out to the country to start building their life together. Camille's job is to furnish the home, keep it tidy, cook for her husband, and of course have a baby, while Graham's job is to finance it all. Camille also has a side hustle, she's a trad wife influencer, which goes completely against a real trad wife's core values, by the way. She's essentially building her own career, right? I thought that was against the rules, but I digress. She's gaining new followers, her account is slowly blowing up, but something's missing compared to the content that the other top dog trad wife influencers have. 

A baby. Duh. 

With Graham growing increasingly “busy” at “work,” Camille can’t remember the last time they had sex. Now, because she lives in the countryside, there’s obviously gotta be a creepy well in her backyard, so she makes a wish to become pregnant. And what happened next was the last thing I ever expected to happen: that wish summons a creature and that creature impregnates her. 

I really can't tell you what's grosser: having sex with a creature that pops out of a mossy well filled with fetid water, or having your husband come home and demand you cook him dinner. 

Trad Wife is such a gruesome book that had me squirming, seriously. What I just wrote isn't even half of it! There's so much well-written body horror that was so much fun to read, and call me crazy, but learning the logistics of having a creature baby was very entertaining. I will say that the trad wife of it all scratched my itch and exposed it, in my opinion, for what it really is: my personal performative, butter-churning, bread-making hell. Although I had empathy for Camille, she was definitely wrapped up in the fantasy of her mediocre husband and the illusion of living a hands-off life, she was so unlikeable. I like that the author evokes some sympathy for her character, but as a reader I had to drag that sympathy up from the bottom of that well in her backyard. I took three things away from Trad Wife: don't marry a loser, lessen your screen time, and, cliché, be careful what you wish for.